Even among the pain, hurt, confusion, and uncertainty – school must go on. We started the week with a lighter load than one that will follow in the weeks to come. Out of the house classes start Tuesday -the girls will be gone all day and I will actually have a day free all to myself for the first time in who knows how long – The girls aren’t too extremely happy – I’m making them wait at the school between classes. I’m not going to be running back and forth 3 or 4 times a day just because they don’t want to sit in the cafeteria or library like ALL THE OTHER STUDENTS WHO NEED TO. Anyway – they may make friends 🙂
What am I planning with my day? Who knows. Maybe cycling, maybe yoga, maybe both. Maybe sitting in the park reading or maybe visiting friends. Maybe visiting my husband and having lunch with him. Maybe even getting a JOB and working. wowza.
Another class starts Friday afternoon – a coop class and mine will be recycled jewelry for kids. I am scouring the internet for easy crafty ideas for jewelry that can be done in an hour.
School day pictures.
Jaia working on math.
Rowan reading history.
Almost every day Jaia insists on HOMEWORK! I know – crazy for homeschooler right? But I fill whatever need she has and I print up worksheets. Since that is what she is requesting. Earlier in the week I printed up a lesson packed on Van Gogh. Not exactly the “homework” she was expecting buy hey – art history!
So yesterday for art – she painted her interpretation of Starry Night –
I actually love it. I think it’s awesome. Might have to do an artist a week – In fact I think I’m gonna do that 🙂
Last night it was finally cool enough for Rowan to go and ride her horse. I am not supposed to watch but I snuck a peek. I like to do that occasionally just to make sure she’s not flat on the ground with broken bones or anything. Call it momma paranoia but I think I’m entitled.
My husband and I are talking. We’ve had 2 or 3 really good conversations about things and I hope that we are on the right tract to making this marriage better, to making us 2 people who love each other, support each other, enjoy being together all the while growing as individuals as well. I believe we can do this. I really do. Because of everything that’s going on, I’ve really made some personal discoveries. I have huge self esteem issues. Huge. First I need to work on those. It’s almost as if we need to start over as a couple. Build a relationship on firm ground. I need to figure out me as a woman now and less as a MOM. My girls are growing up and while MOM was fine when they were smaller, they are 11 and 16 now. Maybe my fear is loosing me as mom? Who am I if not mom?
We both have communication issues to address and improve.
I don’t think our issues are insurmountable. Neither of us has been unfaithful and in looking for counselors and skimming “self help” books, it certainly seems that a great majority of relationships have these very same issues they work through. I’m refusing to let myself think of the worst possible outcome (too much). If I go there I’m filled with despair and fear. We’ll work it out. I know we will- I think we made progress last night.
School continues today.
Bright Blessings –