I find myself fighting the mental blues these past couple of days. And really nothing has been said or done to bring them on. My brain has just decided to focus on the very worst possible outcome ever of my relationship woes. The what it’s. The end of it all. I’m struggling to pull myself out of this abyss that I find myself in currently. And I have no idea why i’m here. We are becoming better friends. We’ve even talked about moving again – this time to Florida- but there’s always those nagging “what if’s” that are brought up, the “maybe’s” that are tossed out here and there. I don’t know how to handle those maybes or what ifs. That is not what I want this outcome to be in any shape or form EVER.  I am terrified of those thoughts and ideas.  Will I survive any negative outcome – ABSOLUTELY. Will it suck – ABSOLUTELY. Is this what I want for us and should this be my focus ABSOLUTELY NOT. And so I need to refocus my energy here – meditate. I need to focus on the outcome I WANT and not the outcome I fear the most -because what you focus on eventually becomes reality.  Oiy woman you really are Mental sometimes –

I had my very first pay it forward today. I was so surprised and happy and I remembered that all will be well no matter what.

Stupid thoughts.




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